Antonio Ramon Vaquera Babe, this day last year started as usual. You eating oatmeal with Talon before you left for work. Me starting the day with 4 littles at the time, just 2 months away from welcoming baby Antonio Bryson. An arrival you so eagerly anticipated. An arrival that you would never get to see. When you left, you said that you would be back after the service. I called you to come home to eat a better breakfast before the service was to start, because I knew that you wouldn’t get lunch (second photo). You came right home and ate your last breakfast with our littles. You finished and went back to work to do the service and then finish the afternoon with monument appointments all afternoon. You came home after the service to change into more comfortable clothes to finish out the day at the monument building. Hugged on our littles and left. You came home around 5:15 to find our boys, their wives and all littles here to eat (not our regular day to eat with them, as it was Tuesday and our family meal day was Thursday!). You looked at me and said, “whats this?” I told you that I did it for you because I knew how much you loved our family meals. You said, “thanks beautiful, what can I do to help?” I told you nothing but to sit down and eat. I had already done everything. I stood at the counter and watched you eat with a grandson on both of of your legs, surrounded by the rest of our precious family. Meal finished (the last meal with you in our home. A meal God led me to do because he knew that was a memory that you would need for the next 10 days and that our family and I would need for a lifetime), you played with the grandsons until our bigs said they needed to leave to go home, because it was raining and they wanted to get the littles home before the heavy rain started. They all left and you sat on the couch. You got up about 30 minutes later and went to the bedroom. I heard you taking your medicine, but then you came back and looked at me funny! I asked you what was wrong? You looked at me and said, “Baby I hate to do this, but we need to go to the hospital. I’m hurting in my chest”. I rushed to the medicine cabinet for asprine and made you chew 8 baby aspirin before rushing you to car in the rain. I’ve never drove so fast and prayed so hard, all the while making you talk to me. You told me, “baby be careful, I’m okay”. We made it to the hospital, where the best and worst of your last 10 days on this earth started. I held your hand, loved on you, listened to you and watched over you so intently over that 10 days. That whole 10 days was God. He blessed all of us with 10 days to love on you and to say goodbye. He knew on the 13th that none of us was ready, so he used various people (Dr. AK and a few special nurses) to ease us into a new journey that we would take without you. 10 days that I’m extremely thankful for. Today, I woke up to start that 10 day journey over as the last “firsts” unfold. Today the full effect of realizing that at the end of this 10 days you will have been in Heaven a whole year. A whole year since I’ve heard your beautiful voice, saw your beautiful face and your gorgeous brown eyes, held your hand, received one of the best hugs or held you strong hard working hands. Babe, I still love and I’m still in love with you. I miss you so very much. I still don’t know how to be Amy without Antonio and I’m okay with that. I carry you with me every second of everyday. I will see you again, I will hold you again and I will gaze into those gorgeous brown eyes again, until God brings me home I’m your forever wife……Amy
P.S. I found this photo in your wallet. It’s all pitted and worn from so many years in your wallet (33 years married). Our very first year as husband and wife is one of my favorites too. Oh how you loved me. I’m still so blessed by your love for me to this day.
